For years we have been in a love hate relationship. Throughout my childhood you were my friend. I held on to you like my life depended on it, because you warned me of danger. Danger was anything that made me feel uncomfortable or pushed me out of my comfort zone. I was craving for normality and you kept me on that path. I now know that greater was calling me, but you won every time.
When life threw me a curve ball I clinched to you for comfort. We would sit and talk about all the possibilities of situations, never taking time to inhale the fragranced flowers that were the joys of my life.
Fear of failure stopped me from following any of my dreams. Instead of asking for the help I needed, I suffered in silence as you directed my life.
When I was bullied we spent our nights going over every mean thing that we heard, as if it was a movie in 3D. We played scenarios of life that was riddled with negativity so much that we believed these stories as facts. We walked into rooms thinking that everyone didn’t like us when we never had any proof.
The day I gave birth to my first born was when you took over my parenting decisions. Instead of trusting my God-given mothering abilities, I let you over take my thoughts. We spent countless nights googling solutions for problems that were not there. We parented out of fear and what-ifs and not out of love, guidance and grace.
The truth is I have thousands of stories of how I allowed you to take over my life. From you came fear, depression, low self esteem, perfectionism, racing thoughts and continued health issues. I blamed everything on you never taking responsibility for the role that I played.
It took time but I finally took control over my mind. It has been a process but I am making strides in the right direction without you. I have learned to not depend on you for comfort, but to trust God in every area in life. We are no longer friends, but I want to say thank you. You have made me more aware of myself and my purpose.
Because of you I now know that my success is on the other side of my fear. I now seek challenges instead of running away from them. We don’t talk like we used to any more. This sounds like a bad break up, but honestly this is a celebration of independence from my weakness that controlled my very being.
Today I thank you for all of the lessons and mistakes that I have learned from. As I walk into my thirties I am excited for the courage to speak my truth. If I was asked to share my story a year ago, you, anxiety, would have taken over and would have stopped my voice box.
However, today as I write, this is therapy for my soul. My hope is that my story will help someone else push past anxiety and live a full and healthy life. It can be done! It’s a process but it’s more that worth it. It is mandatory for you to walk out your purpose.
This is my letter to anxiety. This is my story of how I overcame.